One Way or Another - It's Gotta Come out!

I once had a total meltdown in the dentist chair when I was getting a cavity filled. I just freaked and screamed and knew the only way out was to to be impossible. I remember the dentist saying, quite sternly, "One way or another, this is getting done!". I have never had such a sense of powerlessness and dispair of not having any control over what was being done to my body.

There is a similar feeling when I consider, on the odd day that I am not in complete denial, that whether I am on board or not this baby is coming out someway. As my belly gets bigger, the thought of it gets harder and harder to imagine. How will it fit?I mean I know the proportional ratio of baby head to vagina...I might not have passed calculus, but let's face it this is an easy one. How do you just give yourself over to something so overwhelming?

Having no idea how you will react and how everyone around you will react really makes planning or setting expectations a real tricky one. One thing that is for sure is that I am planning on having a doula there - at least someone will be 100% sure of what is happening and how to maek things somewhat better. In spite of all my angst, I am hoping for a natural birth sans epidural. I would have thought that I lost my mind, or that aliens would have taken over my brain if I heard myself say tha a few months ago... but, I just want to have as few problems as possible. But, hey if I need I need it...and we'll take it from there.

Birth Plan

It is kind of a misnomer to have a birth plan. How do you plan for the unknown? I don't think that you can even if you want to. I think the birthplan may be just a way to make you feel like you can control the uncontrollable and possibly, I will look upon the idyllic plan and laugh once I have actually been though the experience. But, to at least give myself an idea of what the unexpected may bring...here is my draft birthplan:

General Requests

No students/interns (other than midwifery students) present during labour and delivery.Low lighting in the room

No labour, overdue and plans regarding induction
I wish to go into labour spontaneously. If I go overdue I would like to be at least 14 days after my due date before being induced (unless there are problems). I would prefer Prostin gel for induction and to labour in the birth centre after this.

Prelabour and interventions
Encourage as much rest as possible

Early 1st phase and interventions
create a safe, supportive environment (candles, music, aromatherapy, movies, tea.)

Active 1st phase and interventions
Contact midwives Shannon and Agnes
Use Thermaphore for moist heat pain relief Low back/abdomen)
Remind me to use the bathroom and take fluids
Massage
Ice/cold packs for pain relief
Encourage me to change positions every 15 minutes or so.

Transition and 2nd Stage and interventions
The amniotic sac will not be artificially ruptured, unless medically necessary.
Perineum guarding with warm compress to prevent tearing
Suggest touching the baby’s head when crowning to get me through the last pushes
To allow the umbilical cord to finish pulsing before it is cut, unless it must be cut to complete the birth of the baby.

3rd Stage and interventions
To breast feed as soon as possible
Delivery of the placenta is not to be rushed, but is to proceed at its own pace. The use of oxytocic drugs and manual removal of the placenta is to be reserved for true medical emergencies

Pain relief/comfort options

Please do not offer an epidural – I will ask if I need it.
Thermaphore – moist heat
Hot Shower with partner for support
Warm Bath
Massage
Breathing
Birthing ball


What if a Caesarean is needed or planned for?
Would like baby to have skin to skin contact after removal if possible and to begin breastfeeding as soon as possible. Do not want baby to be bottle fed if possible.

Going home
Would like to take the first couple of days to get acquainted with baby before taking visitors.


Your baby at the birth and plan if needing intensive care or transfer


Feeding and care in the postnatal period

Preparing for Birth

How does someone prepare for birth? Is it as simple as doing your kegels and leading an active pregnancy? Or, like a marathon, do you have to prepare mentally..."it's all mental". I am not a mentally strong person - I don't "power" through the tough spots...I rest. When it hurts...I stop. If I am too tired... I sleep. How will a gal like me make it through one of the toughest things I can imagine? YOu can't stop it, you can't rest and sleep...well when it's over you can sleep -but not too much.

I have been slowly building the "birthing team", which, to this point, includes my husband and my best friend. While they cannot help do it for me - maybe they will be able to get me through it. I am also considering bringing a doula into the picture - I need to feel that someone in the room knows what's happening and can know what needs to be done to make it better. I am really not sure how hubby will cope in crisis - and finding out at the last minute...isn't a bargain I am willing to wager.

I am practicing meditation with an ocean waves CD. Hoping the perpetual sound wll help me move through the pain and focus outside myself when the time comes. I just keep thinking..this is going to be excrutiating. I am glad that I know that it is a little girl. I will focus on her... bringing her into the world.

God it's going to be like a car accident...thinking of the the word vagina, 10 inches dilation, tearing and swelling...well doesn't paint an encouraging picture. And it is a mystery...you never hear anybody really talk about how they were literally blown apart by the birthing experience... although some have used the word "hell" to describe it.

So I am preparing for a mystery...and I guess I won't know till I get there.

The Organism Inside You

I could not have put it better myself:

Here's the thing about having an approximately 7-lb organism inside you:It feels really, really weird. How's that for stating the obvious? And yet all the parenting books and magazines and websites (oh, let's call a spade a spade... they're mothering books and magazines and websites because men have too much -- or too little -- sense to read how-to books about something as ephemeral as parenting) don't tell you this. They tell you that being pregnant is wonderful and/or magical and/or empowering, and they may even admit that it can be "uncomfortable", but not once have I read anything anywhere that antes up the fact that harbouring a large organism inside your own body is just plain unsettling, not to mention outright bizarre. (Yes, yes, I know it's "natural" and all that, but so are platypuses and, arguably, Anna Nicole Smith, and that doesn't make them any less strange.)

If you've never gestated a large-ish mammal before, here are some things that may surprise you:
When said mammal "kicks", this event is not the charming once-every-so-often experience that sitcoms would have you believe, in which everyone gathers round with their hands on the gestatee's stomach while she smiles beatifically.

Kicking is a persistent (i.e. sometimes dozens of times per hour) and frequently painful activity. Kicks can be directed at any number of your vital organs, frequently simultaneously. It is possible to be kicked under your ribs AND in the bladder at the same time, resulting in a having-to-pee-with-the-wind-knocked-out-of-you sensation that is not without a certain je ne sais quoi.

Kicking is visible from the outside of your body. This is exactly 87 times freakier than you would think it is. Imagine it thusly: you are inside a large balloon. Whilst pressing your back against one side of the balloon, you are able to leverage both feet against two other sides of the balloon, and you push out, distending the balloon so that it looks like two little teepees where each foot is pressing. Just for kicks, you keep your feet in this position for a minute or two, ignoring the gasps of pain coming from outside the balloon. Whee!

"Kicking" is actually a colloquial term for "fetal movement", which is a deceptively innocuous blanket term for a range of movements that would have made the Red Baron proud: loop-the-loops, barrel rolls, and possibly even the dreaded hammer head.

Kicking does not subside at reasonable times, such as during important work meetings, or WHILE TRYING TO SLEEP.

20weeks2

20weeks2
Originally uploaded by Viva.

Here is a creepy frontal view of the baby at 20 weeks...I think she looks a bit like an alien, but I think it's the ultrasound...I ..urrr hope it is...

20 Weeks ultrasound

20 Weeks ultrasound
Originally uploaded by Viva.

Here is our little girl at 20 weeks (March 2nd). I got an early birthday gift when they told us it was a girl!

Uticharia of Pregnancy - Or just plain hives

What was once considered to be the uneventful pregnancy has now become interesting. Every morning I wake up covered in hives! They are the size of big mosquito bites all on my knees, hands, feet, elbows and hips...it is just awful. It lasts for about 3 hours...and long hours these are.

What can you do? Nothing...grin and bear it ;)

Making contact

It has been a few weeks now that our little in utero girl has been poking away and letting us know she really is there and that mommy is not just gaining weight for kicks. She loves Alan's voice. When he talks to her in the belly she always moves and gives us her best pokes. This is the extent to which we have been making contact with eachother, in spite of the fact that she and I are a part of eachother right now.

At the Dinner Dance this winter, a older lady in her eighties, a psychiatrist, was telling me that it is terribly important to get into a deep mediative state and to make contact with the baby. by being able to make contact with her and connect to her I will be able to keep her calm during birth and get us both through it. What if I cannot make contact with her enough to make her feel safe and calm? Then it will be like we will both be getting washed away in this very frightening moment. It is scary to anticipate. Scary to not know how it will be for me and her. Alan will be there waiting to hold both of us - that thought brings great comfort. It will be one of the most amazing things that we will do together. It will be a moment hard to top on the list of life experiences.

Until that time, I will be doing my best to sing to her, talk to her and touch her while she shares a space with me.

Hi Daddy

This morning, Alan leaned over to say good morning to the baby - he spoke into the belly and would you believe it she poked her hardest and daddy felt her sawing "Hi" right back. ;)

Progress Update - 21 weeks and 3 days

So far, I am still feeling great. Other than a bit of low blood pressure, I am in tip top shape and feel wonderful. I ma horrified however by the Scale which has tipped froward to 180 lbs! That is up 17 lbs since I got pregnant. Is this normal? Well according to my chart which is based on a 3 lb weight gain in the first three months and a pound every week in teh second trimester...I am over by 3 lbs. Arrgh. But the midwife said that it was an average and that I can expect spurts rather thana consistent rise in weight...well I have to trust her on that...but I am not entirley sure that I believe her :)

My waist has exploded out to 42 inches! Geez - will I ever get back to a 32/33? I have big ambitious plans to get to a 31! We'll see...Ia m getting ahead of myself...

I am starting to feel her move around more and more...it is very neat...it's like she is saying "Hi mom - it's me!".

A first time for everything

There is only a first time once - Here are some special first time moments that I have expereince so far:

Getting pregnant on the first try - oops...that was quick!

The first time you experience your hips shifting and your wiggle turns into a waddle - reality starts to set in that you may never walk the same again. Will you forget to get your wiggle back?

The first time you see your baby swim around on the ultrasound monitor and fall in love with them - you are touched in a way that you cannot explain.

The first time you can really feel your baby move...and it's not gas - you suddenly realise how intimate the experience of carrying a child can be. I want to say hi there little person...Are you OK in there?

The first time you catch a glipse of your expanding midsection from the side...at first it weird, but you can't help but admire the capacity of your body to accomodate these changes and admire how beautiful it looks.

The first time you hear your heartbeat and theirs - you realise there are two heart beats - when you really realise that there is another life there to take care of.

The first time you realise that you are really going to be somebody's mom and you realise that this small beautiful life will bring so much joy and without knowing it, will also be the scariest undertaking of your life.

As my belly continues to grow and get larger...I am at 42inches right now and I can't beleive there could actually be more to go... I am sure that there will be more firsts - but the one I look forward to the most is the first time that we look into our daughter's eyes.

It's A Girl!

The moment of truth arrived and the ultrasound technician confirmed that in fact that baby is a little girl. She is 6 wee ounces (obviously doesn't explain the weight gain;-) and she has a wee heart pumping away....her little kidneys, her teeny tummy, little eyes, nose and ears... she appears to be very healthy...and quite content in her little cocoon.

Nursery Theme: Bugs

It took me a while, but moms know best...where the "what's the theme for your nursery question was at first perplexing... it is starting to make sense. Maybe it is the cocktail of hormones that cause one to think in terms of themes... I am not sure...but my theme is BUGS.

Dragonflys, bees, butterflys, lady bugs, spiders, snails, caterpillars, ants...all sorts of bugs. Know the search begins for the items to bring the bug nursery to life...bug mobiles, pillows, sheets, blankets, carpet, etc. I think the BUG theme is a great way to introduce the magical little creatures to baby...

And, it is pretty gender neutral...so I won't tip Alan off on whether it will be a baby boy or girl.

Paint colour - Behr - Willow River #3a1-4, or SICO Cypress Cone Yellow or Tea Time Green.

Are you in there? 18 weeks

Apparently my little wee one is swimming around and having a gay old time growing into a little person, but I can't feel you yet. I should feel something in the next week or so, and I am looking forward to knowig the little person is in there. I only know somethign is there, because my belly is getting a wee bit big and it sometimes feels funny...like carrying a wee bowling ball in there. Somethimes I think I feel somethign..but it is just gas ;).

Stay tuned for baby's first kick.

Do what I say...not what I do...

I have started making my bed every day. As most people who know me, know that this might get done on a weekly or bi-weekly basis when the sheets are freshly washed...otherwise I burrow into my bed....now that I think of it...I burrow into my bed much like my weiner dog does ;(. Mmmm...

I have started picking the cothes up off of my floor. It is true that there have been fewer clothes on the floor since the inception of the handy hamper in the main bathroom, but the transition of not being able to fit into any of my clothes has caused my useless clothing items to be abandoned on the floor in no man's land. But, I recently bought a new dresser to put everything in its place.

So at 31, mom, I have learned to clean my room and make my bed.

I have come to realise what it is that makes our parents appear not human at all to us as children and teenagers. Because at this juncture in my life, where I start saying things like "put everything in its place" and I start cleaning my room and making my bed and tidying all the live long day...I realise that as we realise we have to set an example we set a higher standard for ourselves to be better people for our children.

I dread the day...I forget to make my bed...and the little spud call me on it.

So, What's the Theme for your Nursery?

There are many mysteries to having a baby. ONe of them is that no one knows where amniotic fluid comes from - no clue. The other mysteries are the unending number of gadgets and such used to make your child a genious before age 3 and to make you more comfortable.. There is a dollar to be made everywhere on a fretting parent.

So when my co-worker asked me what the theme was for my nursery...i was like...uh? Theme? It has to have a theme? I gues.."Second Hand" - Cause that's all I'm gonna get for this fast growing tyke... music lessons for his developing brain. While I think that Al's threat to put the tyke in a clementine box for the first couple of weeks was a bit over the top...it may come close ;)

What theme did the pioneers have for their nurseries?

Baby dream

Last night, I dreamt that the baby was a boy. Maybe it is my thoughts of having to break the legs of a future daughter's future boyfriends' legs that has subconsciously made me fear having a girl. I know that I don't have a preference either way. Actually, I think that I would be great to (eventually) have one of each. I also had a baby dream a while ago. It wasn't our baby this time. I was just holding someone else's and felt really good to do so. I think it was after that point that I really decided that I wanted that have kids. It's a good thing because we got pregnant 2 months after that.

I will not drop the baby. I will not drop the baby.

My biggest fear is that Iwill drop the baby. I've dropped many things before and I'll probably drop many things again. I've dropped coins while trying to put them into parking meters. I dropped a large pickle jar on the floor while bringing it up from the basement. I have dropped many football passes. And even recently, I dropped a book. To my credit, I have never dropped Rocky even though I almost slammed the car door on his tail. Babies are squirmy and slippery. Maybe I'll use ultra grip golf gloves while handling the baby or maybe I'll keep a helmet on the baby.

Clean your room

Yesterday, I spoke to our unborn baby for the first time. I placed my lips on my wife's belly and loudly spoke the words "Clean your room!'. I can't even fathom a guess of the number of times I was told by my parents to clean my room. Things changed because of this simple, silly act. I actually feel like a dad now. Before, it was like this whole pregancy thing wasn't real or it just hadn't registered what it really meant. We've been late, we've been lost, we've been happy and sad but now we are pregnant! I believe the great Mr. H. J. Simpson said it best when he finally came to the realization that his wife was pregnant. Waaaahhhhh, doh, wob-wob, yeeeeaa##$%$#.

Baby Names - A start

This will be a preemptive strike in case I par chance seemingly steal someone's beloved baby name they have been saving since their toddlerhood -dated and time stamped here are some names I have compiled to date (not necessarily in the order of selection):

Girls
Nora, Elena, , Liisa, Aven, Evan, Petra, Parker,Vivaa.

Sophie
Wisdom
Freya
A noble woman, Goddess of love
Renata
Reborn
Kaia
Of the Earth
Ella
Ella Fitzgerald
Erika
powerful and regal
Eva (Gaelic spelling- Aoife)
"Beautiful, radiant, joyful."
Known as the greatest woman warrior in the world, Aoife was the mother of Cuchulainn's only son, Connlach. Aoife Dearg ("Red Aoife") was a daughter of a king of Connacht who had her marriage arranged by St. Patrick himself.
Davin
From damh "deer" and the diminutive -in it means "little deer."

Boys:
Evan Alexander Rebane

This is not THE list - will likely add and update as something comes along ;)