Nellie, Anna and Lisa

I told my three dear friends in the order they were listed, and broke the golden rule - I announced that I was pregnant before 12 weeks! I figured that I should tell those closest to me...if anything happens... at least you know who you will need to lean on first.

I told Nellie and Joe on the phone the Saturday morning after I had confirmed the result one more time. We both laughed ans squeeled on the phone...it was so amazing to share the happiness I felt at that moment - I would be someone's mom and that my friend believed inme...that I might be able to pull it off ;)

Anna was in Thailand. I was so excited to tell her because the baby is due on her birthday - July 20th, 2005. I had to tell her in-person. Anna has a way of falling aprrt over big news like this...so I had to wait to see her this past weekend. It was very cute - Anna cornered me and said" look if you are pregnant you ahd better damn well tell me!" - So, I proceeded to tell her to stop being so crazy and settle down...she responded with "well then why have I got such anxiety about this?!"...so I quietly responded...because I am 7 weeks pregnant probably...Anna Looked like she was goig to fal over...then she turned white...and then really couldn't speak for a while. Rob said she loked like she saw a ghost. So I told her to put on some blush...and lip gloss (this is my answer to having to battle just about any form of fear and anxiety) and get back inside ;) After a big hug of course. Poor Anna - her first reaction was "how will I be ther for you"...You have to move to Toronto!

The morning after...Lisa D called and I told her over the phone...I didn't want her to be the only one that didn't know...Lisa started to cry...and said it was the happiest news she ever heard...she said I would be a wonderful mom...and I believed her with all my heart...

I told my mother

My mother and I have a complicated past. So do her and her mom. Mom was 16 when she was first pregnant with me, and everything just got harder for her from there. She was living away from home and did not have a lot of support. She was a survivor and a fighter long before this, but her choice to keep me would have her fighting harder that she ever thought against great odds.

She was still trying to become someone which I ma sure made it harder for her to give what she heself had never received.

Over the years of growing up in a single parent home with little money was hard. But, we never went hungry and we never had to be ashamed of our home. Mom kept everything immaculate and it always looked nicer than any other house I knew. But with her working several jobs, dragging us to daycare in the wee hours of the morning, us bed wetting at the babysitters and not being able to get enough time with mom was hard.

Our relationship was weak and volitile at times. We have come closer together, and as she is aging, she has become more vulnerable, fighting less and embracing more.

For so long I had seen having children as a great burden- that I would toil the way my mother did. But I am coming to realise that my childhood is not every childhood, and that I already have more than enough to bring a child into my life without sacrificing everything. So, this time, the thought of being pregnant - rather being pregnant- does not bring with it the fear and anxiety it did before. Instead I am filled with excitement...

Telling mom felt like we were turning our attention from our past toward the future. A second chance to love a little person better now than she ever could before - a second chance for us to love a little person better than we had loved eachother. And I think she is thrilled.

Week 5

Welcome to our Pregblog.

I have recently confirmed the suspiscion that I am 5 weeks pregnant.
I knew the very morning after though. I can't say how, I just did.

I tenatively told Alan that my tummy felt "funny" - but wasn't sure whether I should be so bold as to say I know I am pregnant - just in case.

We are still in the red right now, so I a taking extra care to make sure that everything will go well. I am looking forward to a surprise announcment at Christmas. Alan and I should have some fun with that.

How I am feeling:
Feeling premenstral and tired. Definately peeing more than usual, but so far no morning sickness, or weird cravings.

I do need to get some daily excercise in...I definately don't want to hit the 200lb mark! Whoa...thta woud be too much. I ma kinda hoping that the little guy will help by using up some of the valuable fat stores, so it is diet as usual for me.