Birth Story part 5 - The beginning

Kaia Sophie Anna
Originally uploaded by Viva.

Almost after giving birth to Kaia she was breastfeeding like a wee champ. At her birth she was 6 pounds 11 ounces...7 days later she is already 8 pounds!

The home birth was amazing. It was relaxing and made the transistion easy on all of us. We just cozyed up as a little family in our own bed and had a sleep while the midwives, doula , mom anna and Al drank champagne and ate lasagna ;)

Birthstory Part 4 - An overwhelming moment

Kaia, Melanie and Shannon
Originally uploaded by Viva.

Looking at this littel wee person for the first time was amazing. She was perfect. She looked up at me with her puffy little eyes and didn't cry a moment. I was completely overwhelmed by the tears in my husbands eyes, the beauty in the eyes of our daughter and the exhastion leading to that moment. I had never felt such incredible joy.

Birth story Part 3 - Kaia is born

Kaia is born
Originally uploaded by Viva.

By the time I reached 10 cm the pain started to move into the realm of unbearable. I was out of the tub to sit on the toilet which gave some relief but only momentarily. I needed to get back to the tub. But, at this point the pain and discomfort had reached a level where you don't know what to do with yourself, sit, stand crawl...I got down on the floor on all fours to take the pressure off my low back. It felt as if the baby was going to come out of my arse really and it felt like it was the size of a watermelon! You can't imagine the intense pain and I mean intense...then with a determined push (determined to get myself out of this excruciating pain) she torpedoed into the midwife's hands and into mine. Kaia was born at 2:10 PM July 20th.

Birth Story - Part 2 Before she arrives

Moments before she arrives
Originally uploaded by Viva.

The midwife (Claudia) arrived at 5:30 AM. My labor had been progressing well and at that time I was 4 cm dilated. I was so worried that after the many hours of laboring that she would tell me there was a long way to go.

Before she left, she told me that I could do this- just take it one contraction at a time. She really gave me the strength to carry on, so back into the pool I went.

By 10 AM I was 8 cm dilated and because I was so tired, the midwife suggested that we break the waters to move the labor forward. I agreed, but reluctantly. At that point the contractions were so intense that I didn't want to leave the birthing pool for fear gravity would intensify the pain. But, in between contractions I moved to the bed where they broke the waters and then there was a warm gush, but no real intensification of the pain. I moved back into the tub and now the show was about to get on the road - 10 cm was not far now.

Bith story - Part 1

Birthing Pool
Originally uploaded by Viva.

So everything has been leading to this big moment. Everthing before this moment was pure speculation - every woman wonders how it will all play out. Will I be able to get through this? How will I cope? How will my husband react? Will it hurt like hell? Can I bear it?

My birth story started 2 days before our baby arrived. I experienced what is called prodromal or prelabor. I experienced contractions all night Monday which tapered off during the day and again all night Tuesday and then tapered off again during the day. But very early on Wednesday my contractions started coming 2 minutes apart. I called the doula immediately.

The contractions at this point were uncomfortable and I was a getting worried about what was coming ahead.

When the doula arrived she suggested that I get inot the birthing pool right away. It was amazing the comfort it brought. We put a few drops of lavander oil into the water, and active labour continued.

Pre-labor begins

Monday night at 10:38 PM I went into pre-labor. It is now Tuesday 4 PM and I am still in pre-labor. Pre-labor can last hours or days - I am hoping that it is not the latter. It has been 42 hours and counting.

So what does it feel like? Well, for me it feels like you are being tanglde up in knots na dessentially you kind of are. Your uterus is squeezing down with each contraction...these contractions are definaltey uncomfortable, but not completely unbearable (yet). They feel like very strong menstral cramps.

Unknown fact #1: While you read a great deal about the need for you to relax through contractions what they don't tell you is that when you try to relax through the contraction -it hurts even more, which can make it even harder to relax.

I have had the majority of my contractions through the night. They are most intense and frequent at this time and then they subdside more or less during the day. My mucus plug has begun to "melt" which is a small sign of progress - but maybe tonight will tell all - it l;ooks like we may have a night baby.

38 Weeks and 4 days

Together
Originally uploaded by Viva.

The Nursery is finally ready - but are we? I have become somewhat accustomed to getting larger by the day and it hardly seems possible that our daughter will soon join us. So to make her a little less imaginary, I have been washing and folding her receiving blankets, her clothes and getting her change table ready. Somwhow it still seems surreal - there is still no baby to receive in the neatly folded and laundered blankets.

We are getting excited to become a family and begin our journey, but I am also savouring each moment that I we have right now. We decided to take some photos while she is still getting ready to join us - I think they turned out nice and I think it captures how happy we are now as well as the anticipation of having her join us...

37 weeks 2 Days

Charcoal Mama - 37 weeks
Originally uploaded by Viva.

We are at the stage now where we are waiting for the arrival of our daughter. It could be anytime, or it could be six weeks. Despite the pending arrival, I atill seem to be in a state of wondering if this is real or not. Despite the big belly, the hiccups and the exhasution, it still seems to be somewhat unreal and I am getting used to my big belly as a familiar part of me.

There are babies born everyday, I tell myself. I am not so extraordinary that this event will be the worst possible trial to come my way. So when I wonder if I can do it, if I have what it takes to make it through, I have to respond with - sure you will - just like everyone else before you...only I wonder to what degree I will shudder at the expereince when I reflect on it afterwards.

I have hired a doula - Cathy - she will hopefully get me through this without an epidural. While excitement wouldn't quite capture the feeling I have about the birth, I ma eager to see how this story begins...

Here I am at 35 weeks and 5 days

35 weeks
Originally uploaded by Viva.

So while the belly has grown considerably in the last couple of month, I have been able to stay active - here I went on an early morinig hike while at Le Baluchon Spa in quebec. Spent the weekend getting pampered, swimming and hiking. Still feeling pretty good, but sleeping is definatley a trick ;) Only a few weeks now!

I think I have a favorite name...

Choosing a name for a little girl is quite stressful really. I have not had a name tucked close to my heart since the beginning of time as some, and I am finding tha the baby name books reallya ren't helping much.

I want a name that is simple, strong and sounds good in almost any language. Ideally it would be nice to have a name that is linked to her culture in some way. Inlike my name, hihc means darkness, clad in black - I would like her name to mean something beautiful.

For these reasons I think that her first name may be KAIA - that is of course if she looks like her name when we meet. Otherwise, maybe it will be ELLA or EVA. Let's hope we don't have to go back to the drawing board completely...in a post birth hormonal soup...who knows what her name could be...

KAIA, EVA, RENATA REBANE
Meaning -"Reborn", "Of the earth", "beautiful, radiant and joyful".

I could live with that ;)

35 weeks and 3 days

It is right about now where the short road to the end begins. In less than 2 weeks the baby will be full term and in les than 5 weeks I will have reached overdue territory! While I have been most pleasantly in denial for a very long tiome about giving birth it is at teis special time that reality starts to kick in.

I have collected many expereinces to date and all of them so different that the whole expereince of bringing a child into the world seems more mysterious than it ever did. It seems to be a life expereince that is overwhelming both mentally and spiritually and at the same time a real physically wrenching experience.

I am somewhat comfortably full with my wee one inside me, rihgt now and I have forgotten to some extent what it feels like to not feel pregnant. My legs are restless in the evening, my pelvis feels as if it is breaking and I seem to have become accomstomed to the pressure on my bladder.

Visiting with the doctor today she explained to me tha tyou were in a totally differnt space when you give birth. I have heard other people say they felt powerful giving birth and others describe it as hell. I can't help but wonder what will giving bith be like for me.

I have hired a doula - Cathy. This should take the pressure off of the hubby to be the sole support, and it will give me agreater measure of confidence that I will have what I need when I needed to make it as good as it can be. But htere is so much mystery around what my own birth expereince will be.

There seems to be a mystical space around the life expereince of birth. It is like a gift that is unique to each woman. I have yet to meet a woman that can fully recount all that the experience entails - there seem to be moments that are remembered.

Soon I will be off work and spending my time preparing for the birth as best I can. I think that's all you can do...

Are You Ready for the World of Parenting?

When I got pregnant my eyes were opened to a vast commercial world of pregnancy this and that, making me wonder how the cave women ever did it. How were children born without multi-vitamins, yoga, meditation, feather beds, breast pumps, crib bumpers and quilts...etc...etc... but it seems this is only the tip of the iceberg.

It seems that the world of parenting is even bigger ... I just met a lady (I purchased cloth diapers from) who was telling me all about AP (attachement parenting), family beds, slings and co-sleeping ... Oh my God! What am I getting myself into?

I would like the baby in a crib as soon as possible and sleeping through the night...not feeding through the night. And, I definately do not want a family bed... I mean how will you ever get your sex life back on track????And attachemnt parenting? Where did this come from?

How about keep it simple parenting... for the rest of us...

One Way or Another - It's Gotta Come out!

I once had a total meltdown in the dentist chair when I was getting a cavity filled. I just freaked and screamed and knew the only way out was to to be impossible. I remember the dentist saying, quite sternly, "One way or another, this is getting done!". I have never had such a sense of powerlessness and dispair of not having any control over what was being done to my body.

There is a similar feeling when I consider, on the odd day that I am not in complete denial, that whether I am on board or not this baby is coming out someway. As my belly gets bigger, the thought of it gets harder and harder to imagine. How will it fit?I mean I know the proportional ratio of baby head to vagina...I might not have passed calculus, but let's face it this is an easy one. How do you just give yourself over to something so overwhelming?

Having no idea how you will react and how everyone around you will react really makes planning or setting expectations a real tricky one. One thing that is for sure is that I am planning on having a doula there - at least someone will be 100% sure of what is happening and how to maek things somewhat better. In spite of all my angst, I am hoping for a natural birth sans epidural. I would have thought that I lost my mind, or that aliens would have taken over my brain if I heard myself say tha a few months ago... but, I just want to have as few problems as possible. But, hey if I need I need it...and we'll take it from there.

Birth Plan

It is kind of a misnomer to have a birth plan. How do you plan for the unknown? I don't think that you can even if you want to. I think the birthplan may be just a way to make you feel like you can control the uncontrollable and possibly, I will look upon the idyllic plan and laugh once I have actually been though the experience. But, to at least give myself an idea of what the unexpected may bring...here is my draft birthplan:

General Requests

No students/interns (other than midwifery students) present during labour and delivery.Low lighting in the room

No labour, overdue and plans regarding induction
I wish to go into labour spontaneously. If I go overdue I would like to be at least 14 days after my due date before being induced (unless there are problems). I would prefer Prostin gel for induction and to labour in the birth centre after this.

Prelabour and interventions
Encourage as much rest as possible

Early 1st phase and interventions
create a safe, supportive environment (candles, music, aromatherapy, movies, tea.)

Active 1st phase and interventions
Contact midwives Shannon and Agnes
Use Thermaphore for moist heat pain relief Low back/abdomen)
Remind me to use the bathroom and take fluids
Massage
Ice/cold packs for pain relief
Encourage me to change positions every 15 minutes or so.

Transition and 2nd Stage and interventions
The amniotic sac will not be artificially ruptured, unless medically necessary.
Perineum guarding with warm compress to prevent tearing
Suggest touching the baby’s head when crowning to get me through the last pushes
To allow the umbilical cord to finish pulsing before it is cut, unless it must be cut to complete the birth of the baby.

3rd Stage and interventions
To breast feed as soon as possible
Delivery of the placenta is not to be rushed, but is to proceed at its own pace. The use of oxytocic drugs and manual removal of the placenta is to be reserved for true medical emergencies

Pain relief/comfort options

Please do not offer an epidural – I will ask if I need it.
Thermaphore – moist heat
Hot Shower with partner for support
Warm Bath
Massage
Breathing
Birthing ball


What if a Caesarean is needed or planned for?
Would like baby to have skin to skin contact after removal if possible and to begin breastfeeding as soon as possible. Do not want baby to be bottle fed if possible.

Going home
Would like to take the first couple of days to get acquainted with baby before taking visitors.


Your baby at the birth and plan if needing intensive care or transfer


Feeding and care in the postnatal period

Preparing for Birth

How does someone prepare for birth? Is it as simple as doing your kegels and leading an active pregnancy? Or, like a marathon, do you have to prepare mentally..."it's all mental". I am not a mentally strong person - I don't "power" through the tough spots...I rest. When it hurts...I stop. If I am too tired... I sleep. How will a gal like me make it through one of the toughest things I can imagine? YOu can't stop it, you can't rest and sleep...well when it's over you can sleep -but not too much.

I have been slowly building the "birthing team", which, to this point, includes my husband and my best friend. While they cannot help do it for me - maybe they will be able to get me through it. I am also considering bringing a doula into the picture - I need to feel that someone in the room knows what's happening and can know what needs to be done to make it better. I am really not sure how hubby will cope in crisis - and finding out at the last minute...isn't a bargain I am willing to wager.

I am practicing meditation with an ocean waves CD. Hoping the perpetual sound wll help me move through the pain and focus outside myself when the time comes. I just keep thinking..this is going to be excrutiating. I am glad that I know that it is a little girl. I will focus on her... bringing her into the world.

God it's going to be like a car accident...thinking of the the word vagina, 10 inches dilation, tearing and swelling...well doesn't paint an encouraging picture. And it is a mystery...you never hear anybody really talk about how they were literally blown apart by the birthing experience... although some have used the word "hell" to describe it.

So I am preparing for a mystery...and I guess I won't know till I get there.

The Organism Inside You

I could not have put it better myself:

Here's the thing about having an approximately 7-lb organism inside you:It feels really, really weird. How's that for stating the obvious? And yet all the parenting books and magazines and websites (oh, let's call a spade a spade... they're mothering books and magazines and websites because men have too much -- or too little -- sense to read how-to books about something as ephemeral as parenting) don't tell you this. They tell you that being pregnant is wonderful and/or magical and/or empowering, and they may even admit that it can be "uncomfortable", but not once have I read anything anywhere that antes up the fact that harbouring a large organism inside your own body is just plain unsettling, not to mention outright bizarre. (Yes, yes, I know it's "natural" and all that, but so are platypuses and, arguably, Anna Nicole Smith, and that doesn't make them any less strange.)

If you've never gestated a large-ish mammal before, here are some things that may surprise you:
When said mammal "kicks", this event is not the charming once-every-so-often experience that sitcoms would have you believe, in which everyone gathers round with their hands on the gestatee's stomach while she smiles beatifically.

Kicking is a persistent (i.e. sometimes dozens of times per hour) and frequently painful activity. Kicks can be directed at any number of your vital organs, frequently simultaneously. It is possible to be kicked under your ribs AND in the bladder at the same time, resulting in a having-to-pee-with-the-wind-knocked-out-of-you sensation that is not without a certain je ne sais quoi.

Kicking is visible from the outside of your body. This is exactly 87 times freakier than you would think it is. Imagine it thusly: you are inside a large balloon. Whilst pressing your back against one side of the balloon, you are able to leverage both feet against two other sides of the balloon, and you push out, distending the balloon so that it looks like two little teepees where each foot is pressing. Just for kicks, you keep your feet in this position for a minute or two, ignoring the gasps of pain coming from outside the balloon. Whee!

"Kicking" is actually a colloquial term for "fetal movement", which is a deceptively innocuous blanket term for a range of movements that would have made the Red Baron proud: loop-the-loops, barrel rolls, and possibly even the dreaded hammer head.

Kicking does not subside at reasonable times, such as during important work meetings, or WHILE TRYING TO SLEEP.

20weeks2

20weeks2
Originally uploaded by Viva.

Here is a creepy frontal view of the baby at 20 weeks...I think she looks a bit like an alien, but I think it's the ultrasound...I ..urrr hope it is...

20 Weeks ultrasound

20 Weeks ultrasound
Originally uploaded by Viva.

Here is our little girl at 20 weeks (March 2nd). I got an early birthday gift when they told us it was a girl!

Uticharia of Pregnancy - Or just plain hives

What was once considered to be the uneventful pregnancy has now become interesting. Every morning I wake up covered in hives! They are the size of big mosquito bites all on my knees, hands, feet, elbows and hips...it is just awful. It lasts for about 3 hours...and long hours these are.

What can you do? Nothing...grin and bear it ;)

Making contact

It has been a few weeks now that our little in utero girl has been poking away and letting us know she really is there and that mommy is not just gaining weight for kicks. She loves Alan's voice. When he talks to her in the belly she always moves and gives us her best pokes. This is the extent to which we have been making contact with eachother, in spite of the fact that she and I are a part of eachother right now.

At the Dinner Dance this winter, a older lady in her eighties, a psychiatrist, was telling me that it is terribly important to get into a deep mediative state and to make contact with the baby. by being able to make contact with her and connect to her I will be able to keep her calm during birth and get us both through it. What if I cannot make contact with her enough to make her feel safe and calm? Then it will be like we will both be getting washed away in this very frightening moment. It is scary to anticipate. Scary to not know how it will be for me and her. Alan will be there waiting to hold both of us - that thought brings great comfort. It will be one of the most amazing things that we will do together. It will be a moment hard to top on the list of life experiences.

Until that time, I will be doing my best to sing to her, talk to her and touch her while she shares a space with me.

Hi Daddy

This morning, Alan leaned over to say good morning to the baby - he spoke into the belly and would you believe it she poked her hardest and daddy felt her sawing "Hi" right back. ;)

Progress Update - 21 weeks and 3 days

So far, I am still feeling great. Other than a bit of low blood pressure, I am in tip top shape and feel wonderful. I ma horrified however by the Scale which has tipped froward to 180 lbs! That is up 17 lbs since I got pregnant. Is this normal? Well according to my chart which is based on a 3 lb weight gain in the first three months and a pound every week in teh second trimester...I am over by 3 lbs. Arrgh. But the midwife said that it was an average and that I can expect spurts rather thana consistent rise in weight...well I have to trust her on that...but I am not entirley sure that I believe her :)

My waist has exploded out to 42 inches! Geez - will I ever get back to a 32/33? I have big ambitious plans to get to a 31! We'll see...Ia m getting ahead of myself...

I am starting to feel her move around more and more...it is very neat...it's like she is saying "Hi mom - it's me!".

A first time for everything

There is only a first time once - Here are some special first time moments that I have expereince so far:

Getting pregnant on the first try - oops...that was quick!

The first time you experience your hips shifting and your wiggle turns into a waddle - reality starts to set in that you may never walk the same again. Will you forget to get your wiggle back?

The first time you see your baby swim around on the ultrasound monitor and fall in love with them - you are touched in a way that you cannot explain.

The first time you can really feel your baby move...and it's not gas - you suddenly realise how intimate the experience of carrying a child can be. I want to say hi there little person...Are you OK in there?

The first time you catch a glipse of your expanding midsection from the side...at first it weird, but you can't help but admire the capacity of your body to accomodate these changes and admire how beautiful it looks.

The first time you hear your heartbeat and theirs - you realise there are two heart beats - when you really realise that there is another life there to take care of.

The first time you realise that you are really going to be somebody's mom and you realise that this small beautiful life will bring so much joy and without knowing it, will also be the scariest undertaking of your life.

As my belly continues to grow and get larger...I am at 42inches right now and I can't beleive there could actually be more to go... I am sure that there will be more firsts - but the one I look forward to the most is the first time that we look into our daughter's eyes.

It's A Girl!

The moment of truth arrived and the ultrasound technician confirmed that in fact that baby is a little girl. She is 6 wee ounces (obviously doesn't explain the weight gain;-) and she has a wee heart pumping away....her little kidneys, her teeny tummy, little eyes, nose and ears... she appears to be very healthy...and quite content in her little cocoon.

Nursery Theme: Bugs

It took me a while, but moms know best...where the "what's the theme for your nursery question was at first perplexing... it is starting to make sense. Maybe it is the cocktail of hormones that cause one to think in terms of themes... I am not sure...but my theme is BUGS.

Dragonflys, bees, butterflys, lady bugs, spiders, snails, caterpillars, ants...all sorts of bugs. Know the search begins for the items to bring the bug nursery to life...bug mobiles, pillows, sheets, blankets, carpet, etc. I think the BUG theme is a great way to introduce the magical little creatures to baby...

And, it is pretty gender neutral...so I won't tip Alan off on whether it will be a baby boy or girl.

Paint colour - Behr - Willow River #3a1-4, or SICO Cypress Cone Yellow or Tea Time Green.

Are you in there? 18 weeks

Apparently my little wee one is swimming around and having a gay old time growing into a little person, but I can't feel you yet. I should feel something in the next week or so, and I am looking forward to knowig the little person is in there. I only know somethign is there, because my belly is getting a wee bit big and it sometimes feels funny...like carrying a wee bowling ball in there. Somethimes I think I feel somethign..but it is just gas ;).

Stay tuned for baby's first kick.

Do what I say...not what I do...

I have started making my bed every day. As most people who know me, know that this might get done on a weekly or bi-weekly basis when the sheets are freshly washed...otherwise I burrow into my bed....now that I think of it...I burrow into my bed much like my weiner dog does ;(. Mmmm...

I have started picking the cothes up off of my floor. It is true that there have been fewer clothes on the floor since the inception of the handy hamper in the main bathroom, but the transition of not being able to fit into any of my clothes has caused my useless clothing items to be abandoned on the floor in no man's land. But, I recently bought a new dresser to put everything in its place.

So at 31, mom, I have learned to clean my room and make my bed.

I have come to realise what it is that makes our parents appear not human at all to us as children and teenagers. Because at this juncture in my life, where I start saying things like "put everything in its place" and I start cleaning my room and making my bed and tidying all the live long day...I realise that as we realise we have to set an example we set a higher standard for ourselves to be better people for our children.

I dread the day...I forget to make my bed...and the little spud call me on it.

So, What's the Theme for your Nursery?

There are many mysteries to having a baby. ONe of them is that no one knows where amniotic fluid comes from - no clue. The other mysteries are the unending number of gadgets and such used to make your child a genious before age 3 and to make you more comfortable.. There is a dollar to be made everywhere on a fretting parent.

So when my co-worker asked me what the theme was for my nursery...i was like...uh? Theme? It has to have a theme? I gues.."Second Hand" - Cause that's all I'm gonna get for this fast growing tyke... music lessons for his developing brain. While I think that Al's threat to put the tyke in a clementine box for the first couple of weeks was a bit over the top...it may come close ;)

What theme did the pioneers have for their nurseries?

Baby dream

Last night, I dreamt that the baby was a boy. Maybe it is my thoughts of having to break the legs of a future daughter's future boyfriends' legs that has subconsciously made me fear having a girl. I know that I don't have a preference either way. Actually, I think that I would be great to (eventually) have one of each. I also had a baby dream a while ago. It wasn't our baby this time. I was just holding someone else's and felt really good to do so. I think it was after that point that I really decided that I wanted that have kids. It's a good thing because we got pregnant 2 months after that.

I will not drop the baby. I will not drop the baby.

My biggest fear is that Iwill drop the baby. I've dropped many things before and I'll probably drop many things again. I've dropped coins while trying to put them into parking meters. I dropped a large pickle jar on the floor while bringing it up from the basement. I have dropped many football passes. And even recently, I dropped a book. To my credit, I have never dropped Rocky even though I almost slammed the car door on his tail. Babies are squirmy and slippery. Maybe I'll use ultra grip golf gloves while handling the baby or maybe I'll keep a helmet on the baby.

Clean your room

Yesterday, I spoke to our unborn baby for the first time. I placed my lips on my wife's belly and loudly spoke the words "Clean your room!'. I can't even fathom a guess of the number of times I was told by my parents to clean my room. Things changed because of this simple, silly act. I actually feel like a dad now. Before, it was like this whole pregancy thing wasn't real or it just hadn't registered what it really meant. We've been late, we've been lost, we've been happy and sad but now we are pregnant! I believe the great Mr. H. J. Simpson said it best when he finally came to the realization that his wife was pregnant. Waaaahhhhh, doh, wob-wob, yeeeeaa##$%$#.

Baby Names - A start

This will be a preemptive strike in case I par chance seemingly steal someone's beloved baby name they have been saving since their toddlerhood -dated and time stamped here are some names I have compiled to date (not necessarily in the order of selection):

Girls
Nora, Elena, , Liisa, Aven, Evan, Petra, Parker,Vivaa.

Sophie
Wisdom
Freya
A noble woman, Goddess of love
Renata
Reborn
Kaia
Of the Earth
Ella
Ella Fitzgerald
Erika
powerful and regal
Eva (Gaelic spelling- Aoife)
"Beautiful, radiant, joyful."
Known as the greatest woman warrior in the world, Aoife was the mother of Cuchulainn's only son, Connlach. Aoife Dearg ("Red Aoife") was a daughter of a king of Connacht who had her marriage arranged by St. Patrick himself.
Davin
From damh "deer" and the diminutive -in it means "little deer."

Boys:
Evan Alexander Rebane

This is not THE list - will likely add and update as something comes along ;)

I'm Not Ready for the Video yet...

There are still moments when I think - Maybe I am just getting fat. But I know that I am not just getting fat - but I ma getting more pregnant all the time. Apparently, as I move through the second trimester I ma to gain a pound a week for the next three months...on average. That's a lot of pounds, and I hope to god not to hit the 200 pound mark by the end of it all.

I cannot help but think about how the end of thejourney will turn out as I move closer to "the day" everyday. Time flys. I can hardly be getting ahead of myself - heck it'll be six months in no time! So what will the end be like. I liken this journey so far to being on a roller coaster...the really scary one that your friends dare you to go on and you get on and think "god what am I doing - this is gonna hurt?". You tense up in anticipation...you know this baby is gonna drop and it is gonna take all your insides with it and all you can do is breathe and coax yourself into a tolerate state of fear. Then it falls...ahhhhhhhhhhhh! It was worse than you could imagine nad you know there's worse to come! You get the idea. But then, when it is all over you have braggin rights and you can tell others it really wasn't that bad at all - you thought it would be worse - but if you could do it anyone could. And now secretly...you earned the right to smile sideways knowing...they are in for the ride of their life and good luck to'em!

But, as a mild 14 weeks, I have a blissful ignorance that I can hold to. My feet are still on the ground, no one is kicking me from the inside and I can still pretent (on occaission) that I can be selfish and spoil myself a little. So for now, when the midwife asks " We have some videos in our loaning library if you are interested?" I can still reply..."Nope, I still not ready to face the reality of it yet..there be enough time to do htat later...".

Colds and Pregnancy don't mix

I caught an awful cold yesterday. So now, on top of the aches and pains in general - no I can't breathe! Now it's not just getting up int he middle of the night to pee htat is keeping me up, but my nose keeps running too!

Cold medicines are not allowed ;(

So, how am I managing? Well, more traditionally methods do not have the fast acting effect of say Nyquil, but it eventually works. I have taken about three wam baths with 2 drops each of bergamot, eucalyptus and tea tree oil. The slight elevation in temperature boostes the imune system while the oils work to clear the congestion. In addition, I made good old fashioned chicken soup, minestrone soup and I have drank plenty of liquids and have had plenty of rest.

I expect to kick this thing by tomorrow...mostly anyway.

Getting my Pepper Back

It is closing in on my 12th week. I have only recently been getting my energy back. THank goodness ,I think the house is going to fall apart. People may come into my messy house and think "oh boy. poor kid". Apprently there is a "nesting" period where you try to get everything in order and ready and in its place...maybe there is a molly miracle maid that comes with that nesting instinct, otherwise I cna't see how it could possibly happen. I have been trying to put everything in its place for ages now.

Ultrasound 11 weeks

Baby's First Ultrasound 11.5 weeks

Yesterday we went for our first ultrsound. I was excited to see what it looked like, but att he same time thought "it'll look like every other ultrasound". And - it did, only that it was my ultrasound - that made it special. But it wasn't the picture that really made it magic, it was seeing the baby moving, alive inside me for the first time - I thought I would cry. It was so moving - I can't explain.

So the baby is actually 11 1/2 weeks not 12 1/2. So the new due date is July 23, 2005.

It is becoming more real, and when it isn't scary as hell...it is almost exciting.