I told my mother

My mother and I have a complicated past. So do her and her mom. Mom was 16 when she was first pregnant with me, and everything just got harder for her from there. She was living away from home and did not have a lot of support. She was a survivor and a fighter long before this, but her choice to keep me would have her fighting harder that she ever thought against great odds.

She was still trying to become someone which I ma sure made it harder for her to give what she heself had never received.

Over the years of growing up in a single parent home with little money was hard. But, we never went hungry and we never had to be ashamed of our home. Mom kept everything immaculate and it always looked nicer than any other house I knew. But with her working several jobs, dragging us to daycare in the wee hours of the morning, us bed wetting at the babysitters and not being able to get enough time with mom was hard.

Our relationship was weak and volitile at times. We have come closer together, and as she is aging, she has become more vulnerable, fighting less and embracing more.

For so long I had seen having children as a great burden- that I would toil the way my mother did. But I am coming to realise that my childhood is not every childhood, and that I already have more than enough to bring a child into my life without sacrificing everything. So, this time, the thought of being pregnant - rather being pregnant- does not bring with it the fear and anxiety it did before. Instead I am filled with excitement...

Telling mom felt like we were turning our attention from our past toward the future. A second chance to love a little person better now than she ever could before - a second chance for us to love a little person better than we had loved eachother. And I think she is thrilled.