Monday, January 17, 2005

I'm Not Ready for the Video yet...

There are still moments when I think - Maybe I am just getting fat. But I know that I am not just getting fat - but I ma getting more pregnant all the time. Apparently, as I move through the second trimester I ma to gain a pound a week for the next three months...on average. That's a lot of pounds, and I hope to god not to hit the 200 pound mark by the end of it all.

I cannot help but think about how the end of thejourney will turn out as I move closer to "the day" everyday. Time flys. I can hardly be getting ahead of myself - heck it'll be six months in no time! So what will the end be like. I liken this journey so far to being on a roller coaster...the really scary one that your friends dare you to go on and you get on and think "god what am I doing - this is gonna hurt?". You tense up in anticipation...you know this baby is gonna drop and it is gonna take all your insides with it and all you can do is breathe and coax yourself into a tolerate state of fear. Then it falls...ahhhhhhhhhhhh! It was worse than you could imagine nad you know there's worse to come! You get the idea. But then, when it is all over you have braggin rights and you can tell others it really wasn't that bad at all - you thought it would be worse - but if you could do it anyone could. And now secretly...you earned the right to smile sideways knowing...they are in for the ride of their life and good luck to'em!

But, as a mild 14 weeks, I have a blissful ignorance that I can hold to. My feet are still on the ground, no one is kicking me from the inside and I can still pretent (on occaission) that I can be selfish and spoil myself a little. So for now, when the midwife asks " We have some videos in our loaning library if you are interested?" I can still reply..."Nope, I still not ready to face the reality of it yet..there be enough time to do htat later...".

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